Brendar 's New and Improved Blogtopiary

2002-05-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Okay it's been a long time , but these things happen, sometimes the well runs dry - so I'm back now and hopefully you'll all keep reading .

Okay so, Soylent Green was on TCM last night - and as famous as it is never saw it before.. Actually I watched something else, and tuned in at the end of the film.
Charlton's Bloody hand reaching up and him yelling "It's made out of People!!!, People, you've got to tell them!!!!"

This scene and movie triggered a fond Bradford Memory - how you ask, well I'll tell you.

See, and I might have mentioned it before, mabey not, i don't know - and it is my page and I can do whatever i wanr right?
Well anyways, I distinctly remember Caroline running around campus yelling that famous Charlton Heston line. It always made me giggle, cause it was so cute the way she did it, and it always made me laugh.
So now it's become one of those hand in hand memories - you know where you always associate one thing with another no matter how many other things it might make memories of?
It's also a nice way for me to remember a long gone friend - cause so many people have come and gone over the yrs, that there is always one thing that you will be remembered for.
Another example would be Melissa and Jesse - I will always associate Melissa with Shankar and the hippy trends - like tye die and vegetarianism, and those peasant blouses. Jesse I guess I always associate him with Maine, Pink Floyd and surreal art.
By the way, I had a very weird experience yesterday while shopping for used cds at cd world. I stopped short when i saw the cashier, because he looked so much like Erik Paul - a guy I knew at Bradford, one of Chris's friends. So I literally froze and had to be snapped back to reality. So, I guess you could say, i also associate ponytails with Erik, and also anthropomorphic comics or cartoons.
Just like I can't help but think of Kevin where Star Wars is concerned. Or Sarcasm with Chris or Anime with Jason.
I often wonder what people have come away with associating me with? I really hope that goth thing blows over- I knew being like that at Bradford, was going to come back to haunt me some day. But it seems Bleeding Unicorns, and Dark Angels will never die!!!!

Well if anyone who reads this page , can enlighten me any, I'd sure love to hear your answer to the question i posed.

Til I stalk this page again ... see ya, I'll keep you all posted

2002-05-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

A new Start

I think that by now you have a good idea of the things that shaped my life and I have shared with you my fondest of memories of days gone by. But, now I'd like to pause, for i have, for now exhausted my mind with these Bradford ancedotes and stories. For my nest phase I should like to discuss a miscellany of thoughts from my tangled web of a head.
I will say, it took me a long time to find out who i was. See, I had absorbed so much from so many people, that by the time i finally left college, I realized I didn't know who i was anymore. I felt like Holly Go-Lightly of Breakfast at Tiffany's (a favorite film of mine, and always manages to bring a tear to my eye no matter how many times i watch it). So it took me a couple of yrs to finally sort things out.
Thus, I'd like to share with you some things about me in more detail in the coming blogs. I am also thinking of starting to post my creative pursuits on a seperate webpage.Also i shall be discussing my thoughts on favorite films, tv, books, artists and music.
Hope you have all enjoyed my writings so far and I hope you all will keep reading - stay tuned boys and girls - the best is yet to come.
Next Time - Only The Shadow Knows What Lurks in Brendar's Blog Swamp - hehehehehehe

2002-05-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

Part 10 - The Modern Kevin Journals - Friends Become Family

Anyway, so after we got back in touch with each other, it wasn't long before I started the first of many visits to see him and stayed in his house. It wasn't long til I became like family to him.
See, during my time at Bradford, there were nights when we'd hang out at Kevin's house to watch movies or just chill, or even use it as a pitstop before we headed out for the evening.
I don't know how many times Kevin had to tear me away from his mom. We;d talk and talk and talk about all kinds of things - things like health food, and what was going on in his mom's church, or even about Kevin in general. His mom took care of me too and seemed quite found of me and my family tales i told her. My favorite memory, and I swear i will never forget this, was when i was really sick with a cold and just felt like hell. I think I was calling Kevin's house and i was telling his mom how i was sick and she said she'd make me some chicken soup. So Derek, (one of our gang, and the best friend to Kevin from High School) , actually went and brought the soup back for me. I never forgot that.
Whenever I came over she would show me her kitchen and the latest healthy things she had bought for Kev's father. Soon it became a regular thing for us to talk about. And nowadays I even send her coupons for healthy products that i know she is always on the look out for.
Anyway, Kevin's mom always went out of her way to make me feel comfortable, getting me blankets if I felt cold and scolding Kevin if he kept me waiting too long. She became my second mom and like i said I was the sister Kevin never really got to have .
See, Kevin has an older sister, but she ran off when Kevin was young - ran away from home. So, mabey in a sense, it is part of fate in bringing us together. Eventhough he doesn't often show it openly, I think he does need me around.
It took me a long time to adjust to the idea of being a sister to him, I mean, hell I have strong feelings for him, but over time I was flattered and I considered myself pretty lucky that he wanted me in his life and needed me.
Call me the human stress reliever - see also over the yrs, he'd call me out of the blue and vent to me when he was overly stressed from work. I usually stayed up late, and so since he worked god awful hours, I told him he could call me anytime. So, there were nights , when he'd call me at like midnight, or 1AM and I could just tell that he needed to relieve some stress and just vent about his work. I cared and worried about him a lot, so I was happy that he finally came to trust me in that sense and knew that he could turn to me when he needed to.
And that was the great thing - we felt so comfortable with each other, that we could discuss anything at all. We hardly ever argued, and it was refreshing to find someone I could finally trust whole heartedly and not always have to keep my guard up like I do with everyone else.
I just know that when I visit I start of really really stressed and tense and by the time it's time to go home again, my head is clearer, and my body feels refreshed. Fell like I can face the world again. And think of it, millions of people have to pay millions of dollars for sessions with a stranger to sit on a couch and spout what is bugging them, but I get my therapy for free or the mere price of a roundtrip train ticket. Pretty Good eh?
Part 1 - Blog Pauses

2002-05-18T20:01:00.000-07:00

Part 4 - The Kevin Journal

I guess by now you've pretty much guessed what a special relationship Kevin and I share(d)- and the more time I got to spend with him, the more I loved him. Now, a lot of you probably don't believe in that soulmate or fate stuff, but I am convinced that it was true for me in this case. And eventhough Kevin thinks of me as a sister, I do believe that I was meant to meet him and that he is one of my soul mates.
However, I would like to now skip ahead to after I graduated. It was always hard to say goodbye to Kevin whether it was for a short break or a lengthy one, but the worst for me was when I had to finally leave Bradford. I left still in a shambles from what Andy had done to me and having to fake friendly good byes to my roomate and friends that were lost to me by the end of the semester.
So, Kevin and I said our goodbyes and that was that - i went through a very hard yr without him, and thought since he didn't call at all that it was over for our friendship too. Until the next yr, around August, I get a call from him and we haven't missed a beat since.
That yr without him was a time of realizations for me. I learned just how important he was to me. I don't know why there was that absence or what made him suddenly call me out of the blue, but had it not happened, I don't know where I'd be today.
In his absnece though, I fell in love with Tyler - and came to hang out with Melissa and Jesse and Luigi and Meagan. Tyler was Jesse's best friend, and I call him my transitional love after Andy. Needless to say it went nowhere, once again, I was just a friend to him. But it did occupy my mind for a time.
Anyway, sorry to cut it short tonight, but the next part is coming very soon - i promise.
Part 10 - The Modern Kevin Journals - Friends Become Family

2002-05-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - The Kevin Journal

Okay, since no one sent me any pliers, I guess I'll continue on with my stories.

Closeness brings confusion - a host of it - especially when the line is blurred between friendship and something bordering on dating.
I told you how Kevin and I were becoming inseperable from each other. I mean it got to the point where if i wasn't with him, people would become puzzled. People thought we were dating too, because we often faught like a married couple. (actually recently, on my last visit, we visited a friend of Kev's to go play video games, I swear I didn't do anything, but not five minutes does his friend ask if I am his girlfriend and remarks that we are like a married couple - baffling).
I mean, we were very affectionate with each other. Lots of hugs. He would often sneak up behind me and put his arms round my waist and lift me up much to my surprise. When watching movies in his house, he'd sit up and I would curl up next to him, head resting on his leg and just be utterly content. He'd also give me behind the ear scratches and just generally gave me lots of love and attention. Even used to let me sit on his lap.
It didn't take me long to fall in love with him. Hell, i think it was when i first noticed him across from me in class, but I didn't realize it until much later. We just cliqued and it felt like nothing else i had felt with anyone else before.
And it really felt like we were dating. I mean he took me on drives, had interesting conversations and debates with me and payed attention to my needs. He was caring and considerate and listened when i talked. He gave me everything I craved in life, and everything Andy neglected to give - so it was only natural that I think that Kevin was in love with me too. There just wasn't any kissing or sex or even sleeping together.
I remember, finally asking him one day in the commons room of my cluster indirectly about us - and he told me he never dates his friends, all because of the whole Kelly thing. I also later found out, and it was always strange that he had never mentioned this until that one conversation , that he had a fiancee, Steph. Of course it didn't hit me, until she actually came down to visit Kevin for the spring dance. i was in so much turmoil for I also found out that it was Misty who housed Steph when she first came to meet Kevin his freshman yr. (he met her over the internet)
So when she was around I would get pensive, quiet, and submissive - cause I felt quite small, and I wanted to pay Kevin respect when she was around. Kevin was still affectionate as ever to me, and it made me embaressed, because i thought that mabey he shouldn't be grabbing me when Steph is around. It is only recently that Kevin told me, that Steph had noticed my quietness when she was around, and asked Kevin about it - that was when Kevin realized that I loved him. However, he never discussed it with me and just acted like nothing was wrong.
I have a theory, but in fear that Kevin might actually sit down and read my page, I am taking the fifth on this one.
Anyway, needless to say it was quite a confusing time for me. Between what Andy did to me and the relationship i have with Kevin, I am so confused about the world of love and relationships.

I do want to leave you tonight with a favorite memories of mine. One was the time after all our friends left for the night, after game of D and D, Kevin and I stayed in the commons room and talked til five in the morning. we actually stood and watched the sun come up and reveled in the sheer absolute quiet of the moment. It was one of the most special moments of my life and one I will remember til i die.
We'd come to repeat early morning moments like that, but never did they match that moment, except one that came pretty close yrs later. But that is much later, so hang tight for now.

Part 4 -The Kevin Journal

2002-05-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - The Kevin Journal
Remember how I had said in my past friend diaries how with each person I met, I kind of was influenced by them and took something away with me, well, Kevin also had a tidal wave effect on my too in that capacity. Only this time, it was a onslaught of things, everything from art, to books, to movies and most especially Music.
It must have started with a very extensive metal cd c and his numerous collection of black metal tee shirts that he lived in when he wasn't at work.
A favorite memory, and this is how i always want to remember Kevin - is sitting at the computer, with his Metallica tee or Megadeth, (whichever, he had so many), with his trademark Star Wars cap, and listening to his Van Halen cd while he surfed the net. Van Halen's 1984 titled cd to be exact, a cd i wouldn't aquire for myself until Dec of last yr. Oh yeah and he'd always be driumming away like mad and humming or playing air guitar to most notable on that cd "Hot for Teacher". Give him anything with fast guitars or heavy drums and he is one happy camper lost forever more in the music!
I guess that was the most important cd because it served as an intorduction to the world of metal for me, that I so love to rock out to now.
Soon after, and it was slow going, believe me, we had many hours discussiong music, and him playing his favorite tracks from cds for me and then trying to discern what I liked and disliked .. like a cross -examination in a courtroom. It not only became a sort of weird bonding ritual, but I think it seemed important that I approve .
I guess, in a way, I also exposed him to my tastes in music, which not too many people seemed to be too gung ho over. So it was a give and take thing and the more time I spent with him, the more i was beginning to get a taste for this metal he so loved and grew up on. It was a part of his personality and who he was as a person - and a special one at that.
Soon, we were taking long car rides together late at night and just listening to tunes. Most of the time we wouldn't have to say anything at all to each other on those jaunts, it was a mental connection. The rides also were a time for us to just vent about whatever was troubling us, as we drove aimlessly around. I don't know how many times he would just look at me after a long bout of silence and then just ask "what's up" - and then I would answer him with a "oh nothing" - then there would be silence for awhile and then I'd spill my guts to him. It became a ritual with us and I found myself really relaxed and just spouting things i would never have the nerve to say to any of my other friends.
What was so special and amazed me, was the ability to which Kevin was just able to read me like that. He just had to take one look at me or he just could sense the mood I was in and just know that I needed to vent. A lot of times when I was silent, he would automatically come to associate that with something being wrong. He still does.
We had formed such a synchronicitious connection (not N'Sync - lol, blech) that he had formed a word association for what we had - He said he was The Windex to My Plexiglass. Needless to say that added a private nickname from him to me, Plexigirl - because he couls always see right through me.
But, I want to go back to this thing about him wanting my approval - you see, over the time we spent together, I guess I became rather important to him. He began to consult me on things, like his stories for David's class, and essays , and he often turned to me , (after much prying), when he had had a hard day at work. I sensed he was even more stressed than I was, but often kept things to himself. I worried about him in this sense, but over the yrs, I think as the trust and closeness grew, he realized that he could indeed turn to me for relief and to talk about things that troubled his mind. But evenso, it took a long time and there are still times when you have to pry things out of him.
If anyone knows where I can get a good , strong set, of quality pliers ?!

Part 3 - Kevin Journal
The Confusion Sets in

2002-05-07T19:12:00.000-07:00

Part 9.3 - The Friend Diaries - - Part 1 - The Kevin Journal
Okay, so I've already told you about the major players in my life that have come and gone, now what this was all working up to was The Big One - The Mother of them all!!!!! You've heard his name peppered about my rants since i started this page, and since i met him, my life, in some way or another, has revolved around him - so I guess it's time i actually spent a few rants actually talking about him in more detail. To tell you the full story, that forever continues to this day and prob til the day i die. This, my friends, and loyal readers, all three of you, lol, is Kevin's Realm.
It's hard to know where to begin exactly, I mean, you all read how I met him, and you already know how inseperable we were at Bradford, but mabey it's time I went into all the more detail so that you can understand what an important and pivitol person he has become over the yrs to my life.
Let me go back to when I first saw, actually i should say noticed, him sitting across from me in Prof Nye's Brit Lit class. I really don't know what first led me to pick him out of the countless others in the class - but I guess the fact that everyday he would come in, sit in the same seat, and where that same Star Wars baseball cap everyday kinda helped in my singling him out. That, and the fact, that he had interesting things to bring into the class discussions, but was often hesitiant to speak , for fear of being shot down and mabey embaressed. My only regret, was waiting so long before bringing myself to gain the courage to move my seat sooner and knowing him much earlier.
Oh well, Fate works in mysterious ways - What's done is done, eh? You can't change things now. And I do believe it was fate that brought us together - I've always believed that, I didn't realize it until yrs later when I really thought about it, but Fate was definately at work.
You simply must watch the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" - and you'll know what I am talking about, also it's one of my favorite films, the soundtrack is awesome and it was a film i shared with Kevin because of one scene that totally reminded me of Kevin big time!!!!!
But, i digress, so anyway sometime after that Kureishi project we worked on, it gets a bit fuzzy, but we became fast friends. I always wished I could pin point that exact moment when you clique, but somehow you just can never remember that exact moment when you just know your going to bond for life. That exact moment that will change your life, and no matter how hard i try to remember or recall, I can't and so just let it be and accept that it happened.
So anyway, Bam, friends!!!!
Soon I start to notice the details about Kevin - like how he is a caffeine a- holic - I mean every class, and I espcially remember Prof Smart's World Lit class - he'd walk in with a bottle of Crank 2.0 or some other cofee type beverage. It became a running joke. Now, if you don't know, Crank was very highly caffeinated water. I don't know what was in that stuff, but man was he a live wire because of it. He was a coffee junkie.
I didn't worry at the time, until I realized why he needed it. See, he had a very stressful job working at Barnes and Nobles right up until the latter half of last yr when he finally quit. Later, he would take up cigarettes to calm his nerves when coffee wouldn't, but that was sometime after he left Bradford. That's when I really worried about him, and he relied on me greatly for stress relief - but I'm getting ahead of myself.
But, between getting school work done , and he was always asking for extensions and driving his professors crazy, but did really thorough papers, and working at the bookstore, and hanging out with his friends, I'm surprised he didn't just explode sooner. There were times when wouldn't sleep, and there were times when he'd disappear from class for a week, and suddenly get sick. I worried about him a lot, but we couldn't help him. I remember him being with me lots of times til five in the morn, and then having to get up in like an hour for work!!!! It pained me to see him so burned out and it killed me when he disappeared suddenly cause of exhaustion or sickness. But, he is one active person, still is, hasn't slowed down yet.
In class he always had to have the best editions of books because he loved to read so much and working at the bookstore gave him a discount. I recall World Lit, Myth was a favorite subject of his, and he always had these big ass, nicely leather bound copies of Beowolf, or The Odyssey or The Illiad with him. It's all about the footnotes for him. lol
For tonight I'll leave you with this other thing I recall and continue on with Part 2 - in the Kevin Journals

I remember about Smart's class is how me and Kevin used to remark on the daily choice in ties the professor would come in with. They were often very colorful and whole heartedly matched his personality to a tee. he even got in on the joking about Kev's coffee drinking - lol.

More Next time - hold on and I'll try not to slack

2002-05-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Part 9.2 - The Friend Diaries - Jesse and Melissa, (and their colorful crew: Erica, Luigi, Meagan, Ben, and Tyler

First off, I don't know where the friendship started, but I will start by telling you that Jesse was a major presence on campus. Somehow everyone knew of him, and was either a friend of his or a casual aquaintance. Melissa, was a girl I had met in the Dining Hall one day when my parents came to visit one time. She was sitting at the table, and was a quiet girl, whom I didn't recall until later in my senior yr when i became friends with her. But, at that time she was a Lesbian, or so i was told by Caroline.
Now, the friendship started with my being roomates with Misty - Melissa had been good friends with Misty and sometimes dropped by to visit her. I guess Melissa was exasperated by Misty's behavior and through that I started to talk to Melissa and we became good friends. That, and the fact that we both faught over who was going to eat lunch or who was friends with Nick, the sweet gay guy , that worked in the post office and made fun of the fact that mom put the word student on the packaged that she sent me. So that is how it started.
By this time she was already dating Jesse, and so it was only natural that I soon become friends with him too. Of course that brought a host of other people - and soon I was in a new clique to which i was always surprised to be accepted into.
Ben and I, however knew of each other back when I was a junior - we used to hit Boston and the comic stores together. Phil, I had met through his girlfriend Jill, whom i once helped with a Paula Sable sheet. And she was friends with Andy's roomate, Sebastion and his posse. Erika was Melissa's roomate, and I later found out that she knew Kevin. Okay I know it all sounds complicated, but if you think about it, see how i keep proving my point that everyone I met was interconnected somehow?!!!!
Anyway, so when I had my downtime from Kevin, I started to hang out with that group. And again, it was fun, and I collected more experiences into my identity. Jesse brought out my love of Pink Floyd and my creative/artistic side While Melissa brought out my future love of Indian/world music and zen state of mind.
We'd have dinner together and hung out in each other's rooms = you know all the standard stuff crazy people do.
Since Melissa lived in Metuchen , Nj - she and i would come to hang out after college when she was on vacation from her new apartment with Jesse in Somerville, Ma. I remember the three of us went to New Hope once, and had a lot of good times at my house - eating dinner and talking and just hanging out. Jesse's parents are originally from Jersey too - so it was an all around Jersey party for us.
I, in return, would often visit them in Ma, and stay in their apartment. This was before I was adopted by the Farley household and could make that my hotel. But , it was so cool for me, we went to Pentucket one night, and I met Melissa's class professor, a director who's big brag is that he is friends with the director of the movie "Next Stop Wonderland". (a film that was partly filmed in Sommerville, Melissa took me to the bar where one of the key scenes in the movie was filmed). It was great, I felt i was in this elite artsy group and on top of the world.
We also went to NewburyPort a lot to go shopping - one of my favorite places in Ma.

Too bad the friendship fell apart - I just wised up one day when they did something quite inexcusable to me and something that really hurt me and i couldn't overlook .
See, I relaized they didn't treat me very well - the last straw was when they were visiting her family and she called me up and said she had an extra ticket to The Who concert and she offered it to me. I was overjoyed, I loved the Who and didn't get to go to many concerts in my youth. So I got ready, and as the time drew close I got a phone call saying that she was sorry, but she found that her mom had already offered the ticket to someone else first and that I couldn't go. She said she was sorry, but she didn't sound like she felt all that bad at all towards what she had done to me. I shook it off and moped the rest of the evening.
The next day her and Jesse come over and they start bragging about how good the concert was -- and i had to sit there and just try to control my anger at their insensitivity. Anyway, I was polite and soon they were off to head back to Mass.
Soon after I ended my friendship with them. I never liked the way, she always tried to control Jesse's overactive behavior or the fact that she didn't want a speck of meat in the house. She once made me and Jesse open the windows while Jesse made me and him hamburgers and she left the apartment because she couldn't stand the smell. So we freezed our asses off while eating.
Also , when I went to her wedding - she hardly talked to me at all .

It was also through them that I met the infamouse Tyler - a transitional crush that happened when i was coming down from my breakup with Andy. He sucked away my time and basically it led nowhere - it's a story i don't wish to discuss at the moment - let's just say it ended when I cut myself loose from the whole Jesse/Melissa debaucle.

Next - Part 9.3 - The Friend Diaries - ???? !!!! - Kevin

2002-04-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Part 9.1 - The Friend Diaries - Chris

In the beginning, I couldn't really call Chris a friend, he was more of a fleeting encountered aquaintance who took every opportunity he could to try and rub me the wrong way. But, I was always a glutton for punishment, I mean I did have that unhealthy relationship with Andy after all. lol
Anyway, Like I said, I first encountered him in David Crouse's Genre Writing Class. He was one of the most interesting people in the class. See, a lot of people were hesistant to speak out in class, save those pompous few who loved the sound of their own voices and thought their shit was god's gift to the Lit world as we knew it! But, Chris stood out, what he didn't say out loud, he screamed in his writing. I had never met someone so angry or filled with such hatred in all my encounters with people throughout my life. The energy behind his words intruiged me greatly, and I just picked him out and sensed that like Kevin, he was indeed someone special and someone worth knowing.
Thus, I made countless attempts to try and get to know him. And time and time again I was often met with much of his, (as I came to learn, trademark sarcasm and witty remarks. I recall that I did have a few meals with him and Erik in the campus center. I think that our mutual love of comics helped the conversations along greatly, but I still struggled a lot.
I really don't know why I had this great need to get his respect, but I wanted it and often valued his opinions on my writing. I always respected him and I somewhat regret not trying harder to get to know him.
It wasn't until I met Chris again yrs later at the last Bradford Graduation that opened the door to my real friendship with him. I saw him standing by the library entrance with Steph, I was with Melissa I think. We talked, and I found out about how he was engaged to Steph and we kinda talked briefly. He told me about his job , and gave me his card with his e-mail on it and I gave him my e-mail in exchange. Melissa took a picture of us, because as you know I always have my camera with me to record special moments like these.
Anyway, so when I got home , I decided to e-mail him, believing that, considering the past, he prob lost my e-mail and won't write back ever like Ben when I met up with him at the graduation too. Much to my surprise, Chris did e-mail me back and we've been in contact and friends ever since.
I also got answers to why he had been so hostile to me at Bradford. He was angry, because when he was at Bradford he had to wait forever to take the writing courses he wanted. And here I was, coming in as a Junior and just able to take whatever writing courses I wanted. Little do people know that I worked hard and struggled at a community college for two yrs to get to this point - Hell I was surprised when I actually did so well at Middlex Community College (one of the top community colleges in the state and ultra close by), that I would graduate there with a scholarship. So mabey if he had given me a chance in the beginning , things would have been a tad different. But, I think it all worked out eventually.
Now I am somewhat of his "proof-reader" and comment maker for his writings and music - one of many in his friend network. I've even given him my stuff to read, and I think that, though it took a really long time - I think I finally gained and earned his respect. He even linked my blog to his awesome webpage, which inspired me immensely. Don't get me wrong, he hasn't lost his sarcastic edge, but now it's just part of the routine and am better equipped to hold my own.
So Chris, I wonder what you think as you read this post, but I have to dedicate this page to you and thank you for being you. Steph has her work cut out for her - cheers to you buddy! I hope I did you justice, my memories are few and far between but still special to me all the same and worth recording for my reading public.
Part 9.2 - The Friend Diaries - Jesse and Melissa

2002-04-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

Part 9.0 - The Friend Diaries - Jason and Kelli

I first met Kelli through Jen. We were eating in the campus center , my Junior yr, and sitting in the tv viewing area. Kelli was there curled up in on e of the chairs with a huge notebook, doing some education work, a future and familiar sight it would be later on. It was one of those kinda fell into it friendships which rapidly evolved. She seemd really nice and we shared a good sense of humor, and got on very well. It wasn't long before we were hanging out alot.
She was a freshman like Jen and Andy. So I got to sit through a lot of high school stories of Haverill High. I later found out that, a lot of people attended the same high school but once they got to college kinda disbanded from each other. Kevin was one of those people.
In fact the whole Kevin thing took it's toll on me, and here's why. Apparently, something happened in High school between Kevin and Kelli. Kevin told me that she has nothing to be mad about and that he didn't do anything. She, on the other hand, held a very bad grudge against him and would refuse to even acknowledge his presence if he was around. I think Derek, Kev's best high school friend was involved too. Anyways, this made me crazy when i became friends with Kevin.
I remember on Spring Day, for example, (I'll talk about Spring Day after the diaries posts) and i must have spent the whole day going back and forth between two groups of people. Kevin and our mutual friends and Kelli and our mutual friends. It drove me crazy, flitting back and forth the campus.
Another time, sometime after awhile of becoming close with Kevin, and i spent more time with him, she would get upset with me for being late to dinner. Mabey it was partly my fault, cause of my great fondness and affection for Kevin and wanting to be with him as long as possible, but she was also being totally immature because we never set actual times for dinner, just kinda met up. Needless, that was partly why i stopped being friends with her, she still holds that grudge to this day!
I also remember going to a Halloween Dance and I was planning on again moving between Derek and Kevin and Misty and Sly and between her. Needless to say, as soon as she saw me with Kevin and Derek, she disappeared for the rest of the night. God, why was i being put in this stoopid tug of war !? I totally didn't deserve to get dragged down with her personal vendettas.
Another thing that made me tired of her, was her eating, sleeping, and breathing education Her and Andy got on my nerves, they even mocked my major. There were evenm times when Amy joined in too .. cause she was an education major too, and so was Misty.
The thing that broke my back, was when Andy said he liked Kelli too ... after that blow, things were really strained for the rest of the senior yr for me.
But the one good thing that Kelli did for me, was introduce me to a future close friend of both Kevin's and Mine - Jason !!!! I remember, Kelli asked me if I wanted to go with her to visit a friend at Mass Art. He lived in a really cool apartment, with I think three other roomates and a bird named Walter. At the time, I felt like the third wheel, but I really liked Jason and we had a lot of fun in his neck of the woods. We jumped in a fountain and did funny poses for my camera and just hung out. Jason was really funny and super sweet - but that one meeting is all I remember of him back then. He say's he's visited Bradford, but I don't recall or have any pictures to jog my memory.
Anyways Kelli said she and him used to date in high school. He was dating some girl named Kathleen at the time and this became the subject of a very angry Kelli later in the semester. She came over in the dead of night to my Tupelo room and was so upset, she just cried and i had to calm her down and told her to sleep over.
i also became friends with her sister, Faith, she adored me, and Andy despised her - but she is too psychotic to speak of - let's just say Goth chick to make it short.
So back to Jason, we really didn't become true friends til about sometime after Bradford's last graduation. He was at the graduation and Kelli was dating him again. I felt ignored, so i walked away from them, but that is where I did meet up with Chris, ( see how everything interlocks so neatly?) Againt the meeting was brief.
Then it was Kevin who is the one that takes credit for actually making me friends with Jason. He started to hang out with Jason and thus gave me his e-mail or phone number and it started from there. It was cemente when I went for a visit that same yr and we visited Jason. That was when I saw how creative Jason was and how talented. I got to see a show he and Kevin were in and the rest was history.
He's still as busy as ever and we still talk when we can - incidently Jason attended Bradford for awhile but it didn't suit him. So it just amazes me, how one little campus could change and interconnect so many people. I am currently trying to get Chris and Jason together to further strengthen the contact circle of weirdness.
Next - Part 9.1 - The Friend Diaries - Chris

2002-04-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Part 9 - Prelude to my series Interlude of People Who Touched My Life In Various Ways

Today, I'd like to take a short break from my general campus memories and talk about the people (in more detail) who enriched my Bradford Experience So here';s my brief introduction and then tomorrow I will start a friend in detail daily focus page. In order to do this, I must lay out for you a very painful story, because it is out of that pain that I forged a bunch of important friendships. So , I'll take a deep breathe, and start.
First, a bit about my life before Bradford or BB as it would look on a Roman Calender I suppose. lol High school was very tough for me, I was the one they picked on and humiliated and whom was the freak. I had little of none friends and the guys , well let's say I never dated or was asked out and didn't even attend my prom or Cottilion.
I graduated, went to Middlesex County College - made some friends, but more of social aquanitances, but still no dates or boyfriends. But, by then I was used to being alone and just dealt with life on a day by day basis. For a long time I wanted to committ suicide, even used to run plastic knifes along my wrists, but I think there was too many things that I would miss and i was afraid of the pain I might inflict on myself. Writing helped me through the tough years,
Anyway, I did very well at Middlesex, got a scholarship, and that turned my life around. We visited many colleges, but the two most notable were SUNY Geneseo and of course Bradford College. Which, when I look back, I think my other choice of college really ironic and weird, but I'll get to that.
So finally I hit Bradford, and though I was a Junior, I felt a little like the Freshmen because of the difference and it was my first time I would be living away from home, let alone another state. I was naive, and it took me a long time to find myself. Well that is when I met Andy - my first "boyfriend" and "heartache" !
I remember the day we met too, it was on the lawn of the library, where they had a poster vendor set up. I was looking for fantasy posters and eventually bought one of a castle set high on a cliff with a small band of warriors in the corner looking at it. I still have it on my wall and strange as it should be it doesn't hold any bad memories for me. It actually relaxes me to look at it.
Sorry to get sidetracked - okay so I an wandering around looking at posters, talking to some people I knew, when Andy comes up to me and we start looking at the posters together. We were pretending we were art critics and talking in updscale British accents and asking each other opinions on things. I met Andy through a group of friends that I kinda fell into, but he was more like this pest that no one really liked but they just tolerated I think. Sort of like Shawn was to our group later on.
Anyway, this was the real first meeting that kinda opened the whole door to our friendship. Incidently, he had bought an Edward Gorey poster, which he gave to me later on in the semester when he was cleaning his room, I've long since thrown it out though, much as I love Gorey's works. Thus, soon he was everywhere in the first group that I hung with, but later got tired of quickly.
My group consisted of Lisa and Jen, two girls also from Jersey, Caroline, and some other people that came and went, and can't remember their names, and of course Andy. One day in the dining hall, we are all sitting at one of those round tables and eating and talking and joking. Somehow we came up with a mock marriage between me and Andy and we used to pretend and joke about that after that, I guess cause Andy and I hung out a lot. Soon, I was introduced to Kelli through Jen, and she joined our group and was also in Andy's education classes. This is where friendship started to change.
Flash to campus center - It was me and Kelli and Andy in a booth. They sat across from me, I think I am talking to Kelli, when Andy starts throwing ketchup packets at me to get my attention. I didn't understand his behavior at the time, but it wasn't soon after that i realized why he had acted so weird to me. He was quite annoying.
Flash forward to sitting in Caroline's room - just me and her, I was telling her about how annoying Andy was being and I think I mentioned how Lisa was always hanging around when Andy was around. Caroline told me that Lisa kinda had a crush on Andy, and we were laughing because we knew Andy couldn't stand her. Actually I kinda found her real annoying too, kinda like a mother hen. The news Caroline told me about Lisa didn't phase me at the time, until late at night when i was in my room working on my computer and it hit me -- BAM! I was in love.
I guess I felt somehow threatend by Lisa, and thus worked up the nerve to seek Andy out and tell him how I felt. We must have strolled endlessly around the gallery, while I just babbled on about how it happened and how i kinda loved him. He just stood there when i was through, smiled that stoopid goofy smile of his and said I feel that way too and we hugged.
Then things changed so rapidly - he acted really funny and thus the hurt set in. We ate all our meals together and even met for breakfast sometimes, which is a big thing for anyone, because i hate breakfast and I am so not a morning person. We went to shows together too. I talked about him twenty four seven, it was real bad - cause i was either complaining about his weird behavior or telling people things i should have kept to myself. That's what comes of a person who had no experience in these matters at all. It was many ups and downs.
To make the long story short, and there are many other things I remember, Andy and I broke up three times, and he said he also liked Kelli - which pretty much ended my friendship with her in the long run. But, i will tell you the third time was the biggest blow of all and killed me. We had gone out for Valentine's Day with Jesse and Melissa, to the House of Blues, in Boston.
I gave Andy his favorite flower as gift, Tulips, and he gave me a gift bag with Barrel Full of Monkeys in it. (that gift is in reference to a conversation about childhood games that me and Andy and Lisa had had one day in the hall way as we played pick up stix. They said i was deprived cause i never played any of the classic games that they had in their youth).
Anyway, at House of Blues, where i had always wanted to go and heard a lot about - we had great food, there were roses, and chocolate strawberries too. Andy pretty much ignored me and seemed more interested in Jesse's antics. On the train home, Melissa yelled at him and I guess he was scared of her and immedialy took my hand in his and i leaned on him the rest of the trip home. At the Tupelos, Melissa and Jesse said goodbye to us, and Andy and I walked back to my Cluster. He stayed awhile and seemed real distracted, and left soon after the silence was killing me. I tried to talk to hiim, but he just said he had to go. We stood in the doorway and hugged and he left , I went to bed very puzzled and confused that night.
The next day, he avoided me the whole day, I called him, he said we could meet at a certain time, after he watched some olympic event, in his room. He must have been preparing for this, because he had cleared a chair doe me at the far side of the room, while he sat on the bed. The scene alone should have given me an indication of what was to come, needless to say he broke up with me, we hugged and i left stunned. It didn't hit me til the day after, and that is where the tremendous hurt set in, and i went through a dozen or so different stages.
Throughout my troublesis when my knight in shining armor - Kevin - came to my rescue - he was there from the beginning of this fiasco and he is the one that helped me through it all. He saved me, and brought me back to life and we bonded closer than ever. But, because he is the most influential and one of the most important people in my life, I shall leave him for last.

Next - Part 9 .0 - The Friend Diaries - Jason and Kelli

2002-04-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

Part 8 1/2 - A Parental Interlude

Part of the fun of the maddness, somehow involved my parents when they came up for a visit or to pick me up for a break. Now, I don't know how are, exactly when this happened, but somehow, lots of people got to know my parents. Such that, often when i came out of my final class and was about to go meet them, many people would pass me and say, oh yeah your parents are in the library. I was baffled, cause, people I hardly knew would tell me this!
I don't know what is was about them, or what the fascination was, mabey just that they were from Nj and stood out somehow, but everyone would tell me how great my parents were. My mom is not a shy person and has a wicked sense of humor, so she can just talk to anyone and be like she's know them her whole life. My dad, if often considered the straight man of the pair.
We all had some great times when they came up, my friends would get so excited and gather round as quick as possible. Andy, who thought he knew how to speak Spanish, would often be cut down by my mother very quickly, she being from Mexico and all. And Shawn, the pest of the campus, loved my parents so much, he would often ambush my mom, and try to get her to adopt him.
But the best memories i have are when we would load up our car and then leave a sliver of a space for Kevin, and take him out to dinner with us before I left for Jersey. The first time my parents met him, was a memory i don't think anyone will ever forget. We all went to the 99 - a local hangout and one of the most reasonably priced of all the restaurants in Haverill. I think within, the first five minutes of conversation, my parents loosened Kevin up by joking around and sayin "so Kevin, Nice to Fuckin Meet Ya" ! Let me tell you, after the shock left Kev's face, the f word being his favorite curse, I think, at least he used it a lot, (lol), but he quickly learned where I had gotten my personality and sense of humor. After that first meeting, Kevin and my parents became fast friends and soon enough like family. He was the one we always dragged to dinner with us.
Another notable dinner, was also with Kevin, his mom, Jesse and Melissa also at the 99. It was in the midst of Jesse's senior project - a fantastic gallery of his amazing art. We laughed and just had the best time, and the big joke of the evening was jokin about what Kevin could do for his senior project. Mom suggested something that involved Kevin and Stepg, sex and having only ten minutes for the presentation. It was the most outrageous conversation ever.
Another memory I have, is when I took mom to the mail room, where another aquaintance pf mine, Nick, worked. Now Nick used to always tease me because when my parents mailed me packages they always put my name and then the word student after it. So that was something that he confronted my mom about and always got a kick out of. All i know is that I read somewhere when i first got to college, that i read something about addressing mail to students and having to put the name and then a dash and student. I guess it was rather stupid, but it did make for a good joke between me and Nick.
Yet another memory, this is the brief story of how my first roomates in Academy first met my parents. My parents were sitting on my floor trying to put together one of those wooden spinner cd square holders. The thing kept falling apart, and so my dad kept cursing everytime it did. We were the first to arrive in the room, and so my dad is cursing and then all of a sudden one of my new roomates arrives, and she apparently heard the cursing , and I think that immediatly broke the ice.
Oh yes, and I can't forget the infamous Ben, who wanted desperately to go to Israel and always tried to find ways to get into our family. Mom told him that he had to circumcised first - lol - it was also a running joke
So in a sense when it came to my parents and Bradford and meeting my college aquaintances and friends it always involved cursing, and a memory that would last a lifetime. And don't think that it stopped with my friends, cause mom also cut loose upon meeting my three favorite professors too - and i don't think they will soon forget me or my parents after that meeting.
I already told you, mom told David Crouse to grow a beard. We, she also made some joke to Prof Smart , I think asking him if he was smart, or doing some play on words with his name. And then she made some raunchy sexual joke in context when she met Prof Nye. There was lots laughs, and though I was embaressed, I was lucky enough to be at the kind of place where everyone was in laid back mode.
I think Bradford, made me realize just how special my parents are - this post tonight is dedicated to them and for all those friends of mine who have become closer to me because of them.

Next - Part 9 - More Memories

2002-04-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

Part 8 - Senioritous

Come Senior year, things got even crazier for me. I moved to the furthest side of the campus, The Clusters - Cluster G to be specific. Little did I know that I would soon enough regret picking both my roomate and that particular Cluster. Talk about the residence from hell - it was like pot and beer central - not to mention the party stop. Eventhough, I was proud to have sampled every building on campus, I still regret leaving the Tupes behind and realizing that I had isolated myself from the heart of the campus.
First of all, let me tell you about my roomate, Misty. We had met through Caroline and was more her friend than mine. She was looking for a roomate for next semester, she being a yr behind me. So I agreed, not wanting a single, and she seemed nice enough. Being a Senior gave me prime pick of rooms, so I consulted Misty and we decided on the bottom floor of that hellish cluster.
So, in the beginning it was pretty good, we got along and talked and hung out. But, soon enough I learned that having two people in a somewhat cramped room with severely strong personalities was not a good mix. We faught a lot, and it kinda got viscious towards the end.
Misty was an Education major like Kelli and Andy- another one of those cliques i had talked about yesterday. The prof, the infamous Paula Sable, was really tough, so there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't hear about her. It drove me crazy, because these people seemed to just eat, breathe, and sleep education! They were fanatics , I swear!
But that's only half of what drove me crazy about Misty, it was the way in which she conducted herself. She treated boys like her own personal slaves. In other words she treated them like crap and did anything to be the center of attention, just by pouting or whining a certain way. Case in point, her now X-boy toy, Sly. He was totally in love with her, and took all kinds of shit from her . It was like that Sugarcubes song "Leash of Love" and it sickened me, cause i was having guy problems at the time and here she was practically having sex every chance she got and he walked around in his boxers. I once walked in on them doing it. I felt so bad for Sly, cause we got along really well, and i liked him as a person, so I was happy the day that i got back in touch with him recently and found he had dumped her.
Anyway, Misty also plastered her walls with sentimental crap I hated - like poster of Romeo and Juliet (modern ver) and Titanic. She loved the Crow and had all these photos of Brandon Lee. It was a nightmare, and then she would imagine she was those tragic characters of Titanic. Pure Torture - Kevin was even sick and he was friends with her too.
Aside : she is responsible for housing Steph when she came to visit Kevin after they had met on the internet.That was before I came to Bradford however.
But, as much as i hated her, I couldn't move, no one would help me do so just stuck it out, she became part of our clique. She even had a writing class with me, which really ticked me off, cause she wrote tacky senitmental, and heavily cliched crap that I had to be civil about cause I was her roomate. So that was my life with Misty

Next - Part 8 1/2 - Deeper into the Madness

2002-04-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

Part 7 - A Brief Commentary

Tonight I am taking a brief pause in my memories to talk about how, in a sense, college was a little like high school. Yes, there were many cliques, and that was one of the things that really bugged me about Bradford. I thought that after my hellish experiences in Colonia High School (where I attended), that the infamous clique syndrome would all be left behind once i hit college. But, alas, though it wasn't as bad , there were still little exclusive groups that formed.
Most notable, was the Theatre People, a bunch of dancers and actors that just always stuck together and totally just rubbed the outsiders the wrong way. They used to all climb into their regular booth, and drag over a table, making it like a banquet scene. The funniest memory I have about them, is during senior yr when I lived in the Cluster across from the Theatre people's Cluster. Now, the hot musical of the time was Rent - I mean people were obsessed with it big time. I even got hooked on it, Caroline and I played it over and over all day during Spring Day (an event- I'll get to withing the next couple of posts). Actually, it was to come back to haunt me, because Kevin and Jason later performed some scenes from that show in a production put on by The Haverill Community Theatre.
So, the Theatre Cluster performed Rent there one day and me and my room mate sat on our balcony, it was quite chilly, so i had my ugly orange blanket wrapped around me, and we watched them perform. They had a radio, blasted it and just basically danced to the songs, both on their balcony and in the courtyard below. It was pretty funny, and we applauded the free show.
Then, there were the Artist Clique - which I think revolved around Jesse. They always hung out in the studio, which was housed in the upper level of the library. They weren't as bad as the theatre people, but still they were a clique.
There were also some writing class cliques - like Chris's and I remember trying to get to know those people, but as much as I tried, I never could manage to get my foot in the door.
I suppose i also had my clique - once i met Kevin - but not really, and I am not really sure if Kevin or I were the ones that the cliques revolved around. At didfferent times in the semesters , I had a course of four different cliques - but I think me and Kevin branched out and really tried to mix it up.
So the point of all this being, that I couldn't escape the curse of cliques - and moving through them all, confused me greatly, and helped me learn a lot about myself. In the midst of it all, there were all these complexities, and it was really confusing at times for myself, cause I was feeling out my identity. By the end, I had absorbed so much from so many different people, that I was utterly wiped out and it took a couple of years before i could finally learn who i am. Don't get me wrong, i still haven't figured it all out yet, and let's face it, who has, but I am a lot clearer in the head than i ever was at Bradford.
Next - Part 8 - Senior Yr - Mass Confusion

2002-04-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

Part 6 and 1/2 - Bradford Memories

Throughout my life I hadn't had the opportunity to go to many dances, or get invited to parties, but at Bradford, I was finally able to loose the inhibitions and really just do my thing. I had always loved to dance and now I had friends who accepted me and I could be myself around and some great shindigs to cut loose at. I really loved the dances they had at Bradford - and it didn't matter who was sponsering it, everyone went, and everyone had a great time into the wee hours of the morn.
Before the dances, Caroline and I would always be in each other's rooms, discussing what best to wear, knowing that it was prob going to get hot during the dances. So, often we would wear light clothes, ( I was known to wear socks and sandals on my feet- I'll also get back to that) and freeze our butts off walking from The Tupes to the Library building where the dances were held in the courtyard gallery. We were always the first ones there, we didn't care, it was just in anticipation of the fun night we were going to have, meeting friends,and dancing our asses off. They always had great dj's and requests were often taken.
Among the smaller dances, Bradford would also host a Spring Formal. I remember one in particular, to which i went with Kevin, Stephanie ( Kev's fiancee at the time), Derek, Misty and Sly. It was the first time I slow danced with Kevin, and I treasure that memory very much - he kinda insisted and i remember feeling very self conscious because, afterall Steph was standing in the wings. Also that night they played a song that night that holds a lot of memories for me - REM's "It's The End of the World As We Know It and I Feel Fine" This song is notable for two things:
1 . Derek accidently hit Kevin as we were dancing together right at the line where it says "Jellybean , Birthdaycake, and something Boom ... so it was perfect timing on Derek's part.
and
2. Chris performed that song in is one time only appearance at the campus center, and thus he used to sing that song at me constantly. Also Kevin later used to sing it to me - so I have no idea what the obssession with this song is, I have yet to figure it out. They were both just really proud that they knew all the lyrics.
And I personally always linked it with Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" - and always feel like the Piano man ripped off REM somewhat.
Anyhoo, back to the parties - Prob the best dance party we ever had was the first party me and Caroline had together. It was in Caroline's room, and we invited everyone we knew. I have pictures of the whole party, and I got to be dj. We danced and talked and just goofed around. At some point, mabey in the later hours, we stopped the music and just kinda started to fade out and got really silly. I sat on the floor and really low quality choc ice cream, I have a photo - one of my many blackmail photos, lol. And at some point, we got a cassette tape and without anyone knowing, we taped the conversation going on - it is the funniest thing to listen to, and I like to pull it out everyso often and remember that night. Kevin did his whole British accent thing and attempted a whole Monty Python Holey Grail routine with Lisa as his "straightman" (you know what i mean) - he babbled on and became like the center of attention while everyone else just faded in and out. It was so funny, because by the wee hours, we were all wiped out and feeling quite delirious and light headed. It was near the end of my Junior year.
Sometime during my senior year, I remember pulling out that tape and playing it one night while Kevin was over. He never knew i had that tape and he was like .. "what the hell !!!! ... What was i on that night... " It was funny to reveal that to him, and I think that capturing that must have been just as important to him as it was to me, because he immediatly took a pen and broke the tab on the tape, making it so i could never tape over it. I still take out that tape and remind Kevin that i have it and we listen to it and remember what a great time we had that night.
Part 7 - Cliques, A Students Commentary

2002-04-04T19:34:00.000-08:00

Part 6 - Bradford Memories

Life in the Tupes was never dull what with a crazy friend down the hall, a band next door , and nonstop traffic in my room. Yes , it was quite fun and i still miss it and mark it as the highlight of my time at Bradford. The infamous Andy lived a floor above me too but I shant be talking about him for a long while.
Anyways, let me describe the Tupes, first of all there was an East and West. I forgot which one I was in name wise, but should you ever decide to visit the campus, that is before it supposedly becomes a Korean College annex, ( or so I last read), I was in the one that was closest to the bridge and had a path that led further behind the campus to the Clusters. The Other Tupe was near the Pond - it is where i later used to hang out towards the end of my senior yr - becasue that;s where Jesse, Luigi , Melissa and Erika , and Meagan lived.
The Tupes were similar, each containing like four floors, laundry room, two kitchenettes, and two sitting commons type areas. Oh yes and each had a tv room where people would battle it out to watch prime tv shows that conflicted with one another. I forgot which shows though, it is kinda a blur, but i know there was two different groups of students. I'll get back to that when I talk about senior yr.
Back to my room, so it was plastered in images of comics, fantasy, anime and movie images. At the time, I was heavily into that stuff, i even had these plastic X-men figures of Jean Grey, Rogue, Mystique, Beast and Gambit displayed in my window for all to see when they passed by. I had a fridge, an Apple computer, a stereo and a radiator that I used as a seat. My favorite game to play on my computer with my friends was You Don't Know Jack, which I introduced to a lot of people as well as The Monty Python game.
Aside : We all used to listen to the Bradford Radio station - and i distinctly remember calling up Chris's radio show, I was with Kelli, Lisa, Jen and Andy. I requested "People Are Strange" by the Doors - wanted to dedicate it to my weird friends. Chris didn't have any on him, but I forgot what he played for me instead.
Music of choice was mostly eighties stuff I think, and some grunge and classical. Two albums of note though,were STP's Core , and The Car's Greatest Hits.

Another Aside Memory : I used to sit on my radiator eating froot loops and drinking soda, Caroline was hanging with me and we must have wore out The Cars album. It was just one of the few albums we could really enjoy together. See., she liked Disney music, and child stuff, and had a obsession with Winnie the Pooh. But at Bradford, you find all kinds of freaks. lol

Okay so my room is where the door was basically nonexsistant. Kevin would often come climbing through the window, with his best friend from high school, Derek in tow. Derek was someone I didn't get along with , but he became a really important part of our click later on. One night they came with Ben and Jerry's and taunted me with one taste - my first taste of cookie dough, and refused to give me anymore.
Tip to the fellows : Never Tease a Women with Ben&Jerry's or Haagan Daas - it can be very dangerous!!!!
People came knocking on my door at all times of day, even people I didn't ever expect to. My door was basically always open even if people insisted on using the windows.
I'll never forget when Tom, my next door neighbor came knocking on my door to borrow one of my many graphic novels. We had never talked much in creative writing class, but outside of it , if his door was open I did my best to stop by and talk a bit. It was the same with Joe, I never talked to him much, but he was cool, and any opportunity there was, I took it , however brief and awkward it may have been . Once I stopped by, and he and one of his friends, that i had seen around campus, were watching an anime - Ghost in the Shell. Joe also had a bunch of trading cards on his door. I liked the uniqueness of everyone's personalities showing on everyone's doors as you cruised the halls.
I had a picture of Chris singing outside my door - I even had him sign it to my biggest fan - it was right underneath a picture of Tori Amos. I later took everything from my walls and put it into a big scrapbook - little did I know how many memories I had captured by doing that.
I'm glad I did it - Next Part 6 and 1/2 - Par - Tay of a Life Time

2002-04-03T19:00:00.000-08:00
Part 5 - Bradford Memories

So there I was a junior and finding me way, new residence, new friends, and creativity up the wazoo!!!! Now there was three buildings that my social life revolved around - The Campus Center, where I ate, (the dining hall was disgusting and I found I didn't feel comfortable in large crowds so I avoided it as much as possible), The Library, (mainly the computer lab, and the atrium below where most of the dances took place), and of course, my new double room.
It was all so strange to me, because I came from being the person everyone picked on and ridiculed for being different to ( to take a phrase from Emeril) "BAM!!!!" Ms Popularity. And I mean everone was hanging with me, I never ate alone and always asking me for all kinds od advice on stuff I didn't even know anything about or had experiences with. Especially dating and relationships.
But let me go back to the Campus Center. It was a major social hub and much quieter than the dining hall. Inside there was a stage for things like art shows, and performances, and open mike nights. There was a seperate lounge area with a tv, where I spent many hours with friends watching either music videos or Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer was a kinda obsession with a lot of the students, call it a weird way to socialize with one another, but it did always get you talking with people you hadn't talked to before. And of course there was a dining area with tables and booths, and you could fit about four in them, three on either side if you really worked at it. Mostly people would add on tables to the booths.
Oh and the cool part was that on the walls there wee black and white blown up photos of the college back in the day when it was a Women's College. I used to study them and it just made me all the more proud to be part of the Bradford Tradition. The mail room below, I was told, used to be a pool. Oh and above on the hidden third floor, which was always a mystery to me, was where I later learned was the offices for the newspaper and Literary Mag, on which i worked very briefly.
Sure sometimes the acoustics of the Campus Center weren't the best, but it was cool and intimate. It is the place where I first saw Chris' band, Soma, play an awesome set. It was the home of many open mike poetry nights, of which i always swore to go up and read, but never got the nerve. I always feel self conscious and weird looking down into a crowd of people below. And it is also the place where they would set up mini art shows - i remember seeing works by former talented friends of mine - Jesse, and Luigi.
Of course the campus center and dining hall had certain hours of operation. Thus, I remember one time, during day light savings time, that i forgot to set my clock and nearly missed dinner. i remember having had taken a nap, and thinking I had plenty of time for dinner. On the way to the campus center, I saw one of my friends, Lori, coming back from the dining hall, and i was arguing with her that I was going to eat dinner and then i relaized what happened when i got to the center finally. So i wound up having to pay for dinner, instead of using my meal card. lol - I could have such blonde moments at times.
After meals we usually would head over to the computer lab - which sucked up many of our hours. The stoopid thing about half the students in there was they useed the internet to talk to people who were in the very same room with them. I remember that's how Kevin met one of his other friends, cause everone basically used the same chat room - Le Hotel Room Chat and they all used hotmail. This was at a time when the internet was such a new and exciting thing, but Kevin and I used to sit side by side and I would find him all these anime images and he would print out heavy metal lyrics for me.
I got half my room decor from the internet - used to print out anime images and then we'd have coloring sessions in my room with Lisa and Kelli and Andy and Jen. I know it sounds stoppid and childish, but I looked at it as another excuse to hang out and talk and listen to music and destressatize from the long day.
I had so many anime and comic women images, cause I was into strong female characters, that when Caroline once told me that when she first met me, she thought i was a Lesbian - lol.

Next - Part 6 - Life in the Tupes

2002-04-02T17:19:00.000-08:00
Part 4 & 1/2 - My Bradford Memories

Life in David's creative writing class was always interesting and never boring. I remember being one of the first to arrive, (I was always a bit nervous, being at a new place and all, and I was always wanted to be prompt), so there I was trying to choose my seat. In walks David and sits down, now I just assumed that he was another student, cause he was so young. I was quite amused when class started and he got up and started to welcome everyone. lol
Aside, long after, on one of the many visits my parents would make to the campus, upon mom meeting David, she was also surprised at how young he was, and she told him that mabey he should grow a beard. lol That was mild, compared to how she also joked later on with my two other professors - she is something else , my mom
Anyway, and I had three different classes with David, so my memories might run a bit like watercolors, just bare with me.
Kevin was in my class and we quickly became allies when we became friends. But, notables in the class were Chris, ( a very disgruntled person and one who gave me a very hard time in class), andhis posse of Eric, (a very talented Furry Comic artist ) and Zeke, (a know it all, cocky bastard, whom I only bested once) and Joe, (aka I'm not telling you how to write your story, but....) and Tom ( he lived next door to me, was in the band I think used to borrow graphic novels from me, and once got drunk and punched a hole in the hallway of our dorm). Oh and this is where Kevin and I had had our second run, ( he was in our Brit Lit class too), in with Mister Jason Shires - the subject of much ridicule and joking between us. He should have been at Havard, I swear, with his socks and sandals and his attitude of I'm so much more intellectual than you. God! I could go so on about him, but I shall restrain myself, there isn't enough webspace in the world anyways. lol
So anyway, there I was in the midst of many different and interesting writers. All had different styles and it really gave me a good insight into the world of writing. David had his catch phrase too, of which we also joked about - like "Let Me Play Devil's Advocate For A Moment" , and he always drew this diagram of an Iceberg to illustrate the points of a story. It only made it funnier when the movie Titanic came out. But, he was a really dedicated professor, whose dorr was always open, and he was supportive and you could really see he cared about his students and wanted to help them. He brought us to his house for sessions and we had meetings in the campus center ( a place where i spent most of my mealtimes and hung out at, and he even took us off the campus to the local tavern for a session also. His feedback was vital on our stories. It was the perfect learning environment - stories were due, everyone got copies to read, and you had to give feedback. The dicussions were great and I always hated when the class had to end.
My first piece I turned in was my 26 page manuscript that i had been writing for a long time and I just plopped it right into class without a thought. Chris, later told me that i had balls for doing that and submitting that as my first piece for feedback. lol I think a lot of people admired my writing style, but i will never really know for sure, except from the feedback I have.
But between Crouse's class and Nye's class - budded a very special and close friendship between me and Kevin. We started spending lots of time together, talking outside of class, having intellectual discussions, and just hanging out. It was an amazing and complex relationship - bordering on marriage, because it was just strange to people if we were not seen together. Actually, people said we fought like a married couple and often asked if we were dating.
Which we weren't, he had a fiancee at the time, but more on that at a later post.

Part 5 - Campus Center Central - The Social Hub

2002-04-01T17:54:00.000-08:00
Part 4 - My Bradford Memories

First of all, I took a lot of lit courses during my time at Bradford, seeing as librel arts was my major. Though I took many courses, there was three classes that were most notable in my life. One was some basic Great Lit - I can't remember the exact name, but it was taught by Prof Smart, then there was Creative Writing taight by David Crouse, and Brit Lit taught by Prof Nye. All three professors shaped my life in different ways, but also what these three classes have in common is also my future best friend Kevin Farley.
I first met Kevin in Prof Nye's class - he ( and he was never without his Star Wars cap - but , I'll get back to that), used to sit directly across from me and he always intruiged me. It took me a long time to finally get the nerve to go and move my seat so i could talk to him. What motivated me was the fact that I noticed he was like me. See, in class everything pertained to sex and digging the sexual content out of every piece , paragragh , word in the book we were reading at the moment. Lots of people were hesitant to speak in class, for fear of being forced to turn it into something intectually sexual. Kevin was one of those hesitant ones, as was I, but when he had spoke up it was very inciteful and intelligent.
Just an aside : Nye had a really good sense of humor , just like all the teachers, totally laid back, it was great and made classes comfortable to match the small class sizes. Anyway, sometimes when no one else woul speak, Nye would turn to me, and I remember he said to me one time, How about you Brenda, and I go Not gonna go there and he addresses the class, okay so Brenda's not gonna go there .... and everyone would laugh, I was a little
embaressed though at putting me on the spot like that.
So anyway, I one day came in early to class and decided to move my seat to where Kevin would have sat and sure enough when he came in he sat like right next to me instead. That day we were going to be put into groups for some literary film project. And I was lucky enough that Kevin and I were in the same group. It wasn't long, during the project that we started to joke around, it was a laid back group, and I think we became friends instantly even before both of us knew it. And added bonus, the project gave me my favorite author - Hanif Kureishi - so I actually partly owe my friendship to that author too. By the way the book we read was "Buddah of Suburbia" and the movie we had to analyze was "Sammie and Rosie Get Laid" (by the way, if you do get a hold of this movie, look for a cameo by Fine Young Cannibals singer - Roland Gif)
By the way here is his official website - he is an excellent author and film maker - so check him out
http://www.hanifkureishi.com/

So it wasn't long before i was lucky enough to discover him in the two other classes I am about to talk about. In Prof Smart's class he talked alot, especially when we talked about works like Shakespeare and Gilgamesh, and The Illiad and the Odyssey.. etc. He worked at B&N at the time, and so he always had the best editions of the books. Oh yeah and in this class, is where we started making light of Kevin's Caffeine habits, he was literally "Too Much Coffee Man". He once bought this product called Crank 2.O - I wonder if they make it still - but it was like a jolt of caffinated water and was supposed to be pretty eye opening! The other thing we used to take note of was Smart's daily colorful tie collection - wow if he wasn't such an interesting teacher, I swear those ties would have livened up any lecture. lol
But, prob, my favorite class and teacher of all - was Creative Writing with Crouse. This is the one that helped really opened doors for me and helped deepen mine and Kevin's unique and very close friendship. This is also the class where i first met my future friend Chris, in the host of many other strange and interesting people.

More To Be Posted
Part 4 and One Half - Icebergs, Devil's Advocates, and I'm Not Telling You How to Write Your Story...

2002-03-31T17:40:00.000-08:00
Part 3 of MY Bradford Memories

Okay, so I couldn't taken the noise and my roomates anymore and decided to go to housing and relocate myself, which while a pain, was the only option for my sanity. Thus, I moved to The Tupelos - and was soon to meet my next roomate and neighbor nightmares. Of course, I had to move a ton of my stuff from via the elevator, across the campus, and into my new first floor room. My parents were real good sports about that too.
I won't say much on my roomate, don't even remember her name , but she was a real pain up until she finally moved out and no one else moved in and I got a sweet deal with a double room. Made the suffering all the more worthwhile. All I can tell you about my roomate, was that we hardly said two words to each other, and she was always on the phone with her abusive boyfriend at ungodly hours of the dawn! I was so glad when she moved out and then my social standing went through the roof, what with all the space I now had for entertaining and sleep overs.
So, here is where I was happiest of all my time at Bradford. Down the hall I had a good friend for some time, Caroline, who was a bit wacky and had more problems than she would ever admit to, but we had fun. And next door I discovered was a band - and they would practice prob in drunken stupors at the most inappropriate times, even my RA, Joe would join in. Just to give you an idea of their songs .. One night Joe sang something about "Going to Hell" - it was the funniest thing, me and Caroline would go around and just sing that one line as we made fun of the band to ourselves.
But, other than that, it was great, aside from people traipsing through the mud past the first floor windows and sometimes banging on them to get people to wake up. Oh yeah, and no one believed in using the door when they visited me, or Caroline. I remember we made fun of an aquaintance of our ours, Ben, and claimed that his butt broke Caroline's window.
Anyway, here's where my life really starts - as i got away from Academy, I lost touch with the people I was formerly friends with there. But, I found a host of new friends in my neck of the woods instead. Some I didn't like,and got tired of afterwards, but they wouldn't get the hint and later i just gradually shut them out. This was also the time that I met my first "boyfriend" - Andy - but that story is one for another time ands one too painful to relate just now.
I became aquainted with a formerly good friend, named Kelly - and she in turn introduced me to a future great friend of mine to this day - Jason. But, don't let me get too ahead of myself, and I shall put on hold also for a future entry.

Next - Part 4 - My Adventures in Three Classes, Two Mentors and a Person Who Changed My Life Forever

2002-03-30T17:47:00.000-08:00
Part 2 of My Bradford Memories

My Brief Life in Academy - my very first residence
So I left off with my life about to change dramtically - but before I get to that, I must back track slightly. So there I was in Academy Hall - top floor - and having an eye opening experience with having roomates. My roomates weren't the best in the world, I was actually hoping to be put with a senior, but, alas it wasn't to be. On the surface they were nice, and teased me a lot and we had not the most meaningful conversations, but it was relatively fun in the beginning.
What made living there so fun and exciting was our neighors in another wing. The floors consisted of two wings on either end, and one in the middle. Let me say that we weren't in the Study Intensive ward, more like Party central, at least the room directly across the hall from us was.
But, I'll get back to that in a minute.
Anyway, the first people I became friends with - Steve and Luis - lived in the middle wing, and it was their room that i would spend a lot of my social time at least in the early days. It was cool, because Luis was gay, and we all know how straight women always say that gay guys are great friends and listeners. I had never met someone who was gay, just read about them a lot and saw lots of stereotypical movies and shows about them. But we became fast friends, and his social life amazed me, he was bi-sexual- and he must have had tread marks on those wood floors as deep as a pit with all the people that came and went in his abode. I was attracted to him, (and I laughed about this later, cause I had a history of crushes on gay guys at college), but he wasn't interested in me. But we were good friends.
As for Steve, well, my roomate Amy had a crush on him for awhile - she used to play this one song from Jesus Christ Superstar everyday when she came home, either that or that annoying Alanis song .. I think "head Over Feet.. something, I can't remember. But , though i liked Steve in the beginning, I quickly saw through him - he was really pompous and considered himself an expert in martial arts. (Which is why Amy, who also studies martial arts, prob liked him. ) I remember, once watching the movie Beastmaster (one of my fav movies, .. I know , don;t ask) and he was complaining about the bad fighting forms in the film - okay granted it isn't the best film in the world, but come on!!!! sheesh. But we got along relatively well.
One of the funniest nights was when my roomates got drunk and tried to carry on a conversation with me and Steve and Luis in the hallway, where we always sat out on the floor. Amy was even trying to show Steve some martial arts movies, she nearly fell into a nearby rubbermade garbage can.
It was also the same night that my house had one of their pretty regular AM fire drills. So I had to help two drunk roomies, down lots of stairs at like 2AM. Oiy the times we had. gee I sure miss freezin my butt off on the front lawn, waiting to go back to bed - because some stoopid ass put popcorn on way to high and forgot about it!!!!
Okay, now for the neighbors across the hall - hippies to a tee. They always had a dozen people in their room, which was prob the size of a walk in closet and pot smoke pouring out the door everytime someone came and went. I glimpsed the inside once, and saw those Grateful Dead wall hangings and lots of tye dye. They always had blaring music at all hours of the night - it was, in combination with the fact that i couldn't tolerate one of my roomates, that i decided I needed to relocate out of there.
That, my friends, is when my life really began to change - and where my story really begins.

...... Next - Part 3 - The Hand of Fate in Activated.....

2002-03-29T17:44:00.000-08:00
Today I was going to post some background information on yours truely, but hey, I said screw that, and always keep em guessing and wanting more, right?! I'd rather talk about other stuff like my now defunct college and my weird and interesting friends.

Thus, starts Part 1 of my Bradford Memories
http://www,bradfordalumni.org/index.html

Let's start with my alma mater - Bradford College, a small college in Bradford(Haverill) Massachusettes. (To learn more, see the url above). My sister is the one that I give credit to for finding it and I have to thank her, for the moment I stepped on campus for my tour, I just knew this was where I wanted and was going to attend!
Anyways, I first remember going into Greenleaf House to meet with the Dean before my tour. I vaguely recall that the inside of the small house where I had my interview had that prim New England type furniture which your always afraid to sit on and isn't very comfortable , more for show purposes I always felt. Then, it was off to take the campus tour - Kristen Hollenbeck took a group of us potential students with her across the paths and through buildings and she had such energy and enthusiasm, that it seemed to spread as I moved onward throughout the whole tour. I admired the old brick Academy Hall with it's ivy - where I was later to be placed, on the third (of course) and also the nosiest floor , not to mention wing. I marveled at the tunnel system that I had heard so many stories about from my sister - because it was the same at MIT where she attended. So I just thought that was the coolest. And there were students everywhere, and green grass and paths leading everywhere - it was heavenly . But, skipping ahead past the library, the different residences - Academy, Tupelos, Clusters. (and i lived in them all, except for the Townhouses), and the campus center , by the end I was just hooked and nothing could sway me, eventhough I had still yet to visit one more MA college.
Skipping even further ahead, so I was accepted and enrolled, found out later the college was rather expensive too, but I was happy. They placed me, I was coming in as a Junior, in Academy with two freshmen roomates - Amy and Andrea - and life was good. Yes, it took me a long while to seperate from my parents and it took a long while before i found my place and way around, but I adjusted in time.
Looking back, I was so hopeful and I had this chance to make a new start - to get out of NJ, ( my state of birth) - and continue the accidental family tradition of going to school in MA - (my grandfather was originally from Framingham) -and be independent and free. I was a junior who ultimately felt like a freshmen.
Soon enough my life had changed in a weird way, a way in which still baffles me to this day - I was actually popular and a an object of envy and interest. Something I had never been before in any circles - hell before now i was the one who was always picked on and ridiculed and was the proverbial weirdo in the crowd. But, now i was surrounded by weirdos and freaks and not only fit in right away, but produced a social life beyond my wildest dreams!

....intermission - stay tuned......
Part 2 - The Hand of Fate

2002-03-28T22:12:00.000-08:00
Welcome to My New Page - this is my first time doing a webpag - so you must all bear with me for the moement - Before I go any further though, I would like to give a shout out to the one who inspired me to do this - Chris Clark - so thank you very much and hopefully with time my page will be just as good as yours.
Now, I would also like to tell you a little about why I am suddenly doing this - i mean what's another webpage, the internet is full of them, so why add to the information clog on the super highway. Mainly because I wanted to record my memories and thoughts, feelings and day to day nonsense that occupies my world on a daily basis.
So I hope you enjoy my site and visit it .
Happy Spring and Let's see how this thing goes